Friday, October 23, 2015

How An Attitude of "Fuck it!" Can Simplify Your Life and Clarify Your Pores


Whenever I'm bogged down by cares and concerns, a difficult decision, or anxiety about what others think of me, I find a simple phrase helps me to clarify my true wants and desires and let go of what doesn't matter. The magic words, ideally shouted, are:

"FUCK IT!"

It's simple, it's gratuitously aggressive, and more importantly, it works. When you shout "Fuck it!" you automatically know what is the "it" you want to fuck off. You understand what aspects of the situation are bullshit nonsense to you, and, crucially, what's not; what's truly important to you. There may be no logical right answer or optimal solution to your problem, but the raw energy of "Fuck it!" helps you to zero in on your gut feelings. It's like the evil twin of "sparks joy."

Here are some examples of dilemmas from my own life. Try to make the decision for yourself as you read along. There's no right answer to any of these. You could reasonably go either way--that's what makes them so hard--but the fuck-it phrase helped to reach the right answer for me.

Dilemma #1: Should I go to grad school? 

Pros: It could help me get a job in my field. It might be fun and interesting.

Cons: It would be expensive to get a master's, and a PhD is a big commitment. It would be a lot of work.

Your solution: Fuck it! _______________________________

My solution: Fuck it! I am so not going to grad school. Ha ha, god no.

Dilemma #2: Should I move to Canada after college?

Pros: I have dual citizenship, so it would be easy. It would be a new and interesting experience to live in another country. I have nothing keeping me here. I often feel more like a Canadian (humble, wry) than an American (proud, brash).

Cons: I don't have a job lined up there or anything. It would be expensive to move, since I haven't discovered minimalism yet and refuse to abandon my stuff. There is literally no reason to do it.

Your solution: Fuck it! _______________________________

My solution: Fuck it! I'm goin' to Canada!

Dilemma #3: Should I move back to Boston from Canada?

Pros: I have dual citizenship, so it would be easy. I am not happy with my job and I haven't made new friends. Remember walking in the Public Garden? That was great.

Cons: I don't have a job lined up there or anything. It would be expensive to move, since I haven't discovered minimalism yet and refuse to abandon my stuff. I've lived in Canada for less than a year, so I clearly haven't given it a fair shake yet.

Your solution: Fuck it! _______________________________

My solution: Fuck it! Boston here I come! Come here darling, I've missed you.

Dilemma #4: Should I get married?

Pros: I love her. It's a really good relationship and feels very stable. I want to take care of her. I consider her my family.

Cons: We have been together barely two years, and I'm not sure that's enough time to make such a big decision. I don't even actually agree with the idea of marriage, as a thing. I mean, while I definitely appreciate having the option, now, I agree with queer activists who are frustrated with the way "gay rights" has come to mean "marriage equality." Marriage isn't for everyone and maybe shouldn't be for anyone. It is an archaic institution with roots in subjugating women that is still used to police relationships and promote a monogamist agenda. I don't even know if I could use the word "wife" without feeling super weird about it.

Your solution: Fuck it! _______________________________

My solution: Fuck it! I'm gettin' married!

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